Monday 3 March 2014

What's been going on with me?

I've been trying to figure out how and when to write this and it seems there is no good way or time to explain things. I know I don't have to explain but I feel like I should, my blog is not only for you to read but a sort of diary for myself; for the good and the bad and I want you to follow our journey every step of the way. 

I'm sure you have all seen my Instagram or twitter, mainly the quote above on Instagram that got you all questioning if I was ok. The truth is, I think I'm ok, but things have been tough around here.

You see the thing is, I was pregnant. 

I was technically pregnant until about a few hours ago when sadly and unfortunately, I miscarried our baby at 7 weeks. We found out on the 8th February we were pregnant but by 3rd March, our pregnancy is over. It hurts because it was planned, we were ready and so so excited, but it just wasn't meant to be. I had always thought of losing a baby as one of the worst things in the world but until today, I didn't realise exactly how painful, traumatic and heartbreaking it really would be. 

I am going to do a video about it explaining things more. Some people might find that weird but I find it helpful talking about it, I want you to fully understand and not have a million questions that you're too scared to ask. I also want to document it while the emotions are still so high, so we can look back when we finally do have another baby and realise just how lucky we are and how far we've come.

I also want to help anyone who has recently been in my situation or going through it right now. From the blogging community I know at least 2 others so imagine how many women in the world are suffering the same. I have been a lot stronger than I imagined and a few things have really helped me so if they can help someone else too, why not share it. 

Thank you for all your support and kind words, it really does mean a lot and makes me feel like I am not alone and we will get through this. I know you all knew how broody I was and how much I wanted another baby but sadly, it wasn't meant to be this time.. or even the time before in January when I also suffered a very early chemical pregnancy loss. We are not giving up hope though, our little bundle of joy will be here in my arms one day I am sure, we just need to stay strong and look forward.

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