Thursday 12 January 2017

Story of a Mother's unconditional love

I remember when I was pregnant with Aria.. as we got further into the pregnancy, I realised this baby may just stick around to be born and grow up. I realised we might not lose her to late miscarriage like we did Rocco and I started to panic. I had so many fears and worries about having another baby and I know a lot of women feel that too when pregnant with their second, so I wanted to write this 'story of a Mother's unconditional love' to reassure women who are pregnant with their second baby.

I knew I wanted a second baby, I had always wanted two and wanted to give Sienna a sibling but suddenly I felt scared. Was I doing the right thing? Would I cope? How would Sienna react? Does she want to be a big sister? Am I being selfish? Can I love another baby?

Being a first time mum almost came easy to me, we were in a bubble of love. She was a 'textbook' baby that rarely cried and slept 7 hours through from the first night she was born. I remember thinking how hard it would be if she was the opposite.

I remember when I had Sienna, people used to tell me 'horror stories' of how their baby didn't sleep and wouldn't put be put down. I muttered the words 'aww' but in my head, I remember thinking.. 'How can you still love them so much?' I knew I loved Sienna because she was my baby, but as a first time mum, I felt like I was unable to tell if this love for my new daughter was just because she was mine, or if it was because she was so good & easy compared to everyone else's. I remember I used to say 'I love her so much, she's so good!' and I guess I thought that's why I loved her so much. 

When I was pregnant with Aria, I was so worried I wouldn't love her the same, or equally, especially if she wasn't as 'good'. People told me she would be the opposite to Sienna and boy oh boy, she was.

She cried ALOT , screamed whenever we tried to put her down and never wanted to be without me, just like those babies I'd heard about. I worried a few weeks into it wether the fact I was finding it harder with her, would make me love her less. I worried that I'd start resenting her.. for waking me in the night for the millionth time, for wanting feeding AGAIN, for screaming so much, for wanting to be strapped to me 24/7 and not giving me a seconds peace. For giving me less time with Sienna, for making me constantly doubt myself and have no energy or patience with either girls.

But now I see.. it doesn't matter if you bottle feed or breastfeed, whether they scream or are content, wether they sleep or don't sleep, wether you feel on top of the world or down in the gutter .. a Mother's love is unconditional 

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